The loneliness of a long distance hasher

Race of the Living Dead

Days to FLM: -1
Last run: 26.2 miles
Alert status: flatline

It would appear every other marahasher has suddenly come over all shy and retiring and unwilling to write about the great deeds done in Paris. Luckily, I am not afflicted with any sense of modesty or decorum and shall instead pretend that you, gentle reader, are actually interested in what happened me yesterday, rather than reading this because you are at work and would rather dig your eyeballs out with a teaspoon than spend another minute contemplating that project plan.

So, in true managerial style, we move onto the key lessons learnt from the ‘PantsonFire FLM 2007’ campaign. Which are:

1) Don’t try to run marathons in shoes older than your children
2) Don’t try to run a marathon when your training has amounted to three runs in the whole of the preceeding month
3) If you are dumb enough to try, don’t call your husband the moment you get one mile further than he did in his last marathon attempt and gloat, because a) this will piss him off and b) you will find that your own legs pack up 5 minutes later
4) Try to avoid men carrying their own karaoke systems who have ‘Eye of the Tiger’ on a loop between mile 6 and 11. Remember, you will be carrying nothing with which to kill him.
5) If you have to run around Bubbles De Vere more than once it will add miles. Try and lurk in her shadow instead

Truly though, it was carnage: a huge group of people shambling along moaning like a slightly higher speed version of ‘Shaun of the Dead’ in fancy dress. People started walking as early as mile 13 and by mile 20 probably only 30-40% were still running. Now this might be normal form for the 4.45-5.00 finishers but there were also quite a few bodies on stretchers and every wall available was being leant on by people stretching out cramps, so I’m guessing it was more to do with the heat.

Funnily enough the atmosphere was great. We may have been zombies, but we were happy zombies and the crowds seemed to find us amusing. They even offered us treats. (Is there anything in this world less appealing than a square of melting chocolate offered on the slightly grubby hand of a child at mile 21 of a 23˚ marathon? I took it anyway – the child was cute and it tasted better than a gel). Spurred on by the threat of being deluged with jelly babies and other assorted 'assistance' if I stopped for an instant, I kept the walk breaks to a minimum and dragged myself home in 4.43. There's nothing like a nice low benchmark to measure future improvement against...

So that's all, folks. Next stop Grunty Fen, and possibly a brief diversion to Berlin in the autumn. But much more importantly, we will shortly have a regular sitter for The Heir and The Spare so my hashing career can resume.

On on!

posted by Hermione @ 3:03 PM